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BREAKING: US Pilot Shot Down After Destroying Korean Missile

US Air Force Captain Bob Marchand is alive but missing in action after his F-22 Raptor was shot down in what may be North Korean waters. Captain Marchand, whose call-sign is “Fricken Choad,” sent word to his wife from a fishing vessel off the coast of Pyongyang.

Captain Marchand had no choice but to contact his wife after the United States military officials declined to acknowledge his existence. In a statement about “an incident” near North Korea, the Pentagon released this statement:

“There was an incident this morning inside of North Korean airspace that the United States government has no part of. The North Korean government and the United Nations will be running their own independsent investigations”

According to Mrs. Marchand, that’s not at all true. She said she understands why the Air Force has to deny his presence there, but the fact that she can confirm that he’s alive should change the rules:

“Bob called me from a satellite phone in the middle of the ocean. Why can’t they send a helicopter? They have bases in South Korea and Japan.”

She says her husband needs to be picked up not only because he is an American but because he is also a hero who just saved millions of lives:

“Bob told me to remind them what he did. Remind them that North Korea just launched a live nuke at Japan. Tell them I shot it out of the sky. Bob just wants to come home.”

The Air Force, Pentagon, White House and Asian Air Command all deny that any such operation happened. General Marjorie Bujnowski at NORAD says that Marchand is on a codeword-clearance mission and as far as she knows, is alive and well and 6000 miles from Korea.

We’ll follow this story as it develops.